Of men, doggies and other stories

Nanocast is the kind of company you'd want to work in. Unless of course, you have no clue what I mean when I say the words 'Java', 'Flash', 'Flex'. Then, of course, you just want to read this blog and sigh about it :)

And no, I don't work here. I'm planning to stay in Pune as well as in Bombay for a while and the kind people working in Nanocast have let me use some of their office space. It helps when you're friends with them, of course!

I'm the only woman in this office and since I've been here, I haven't heard too many cuss words. Am I making them uncomfortable? I'll find out sooner or later! But let's get back to the point. My friends, Rajesh and Ashish, are really the reasons I'm working out of Nanocast in Pune. I get to be away from home a little, I get to run away from Bombay once in a while and I get to work out of an office (which is slightly more motivating than working from home). Plus, there is no dress code and I can wear my capris and chappals to office. Adarbad, the CEO of the company, told me a couple of days back that if he wears a tie and/or leather shoes, he can't think straight! And he has the most adorable dog! Dhakkan is half labrador and half boxer, cute as hell and a regular visitor to Nanocast. Adarbad gets Dhakkan to office whenever he comes and the first thing Dhakkan does is go to everyone's desks to say 'hi'! That involves a lot of tail wagging and a 'please pat my back' look. Cho cute :)

So yesterday, Ashish, Rajesh, Arindam (their colleague and friend) and I went to the park for an hour yesterday evening, to take a break from work. And we got into the most ridiculous of conversations. I hope I can remember all that we spoke of, coz it is sooooo worth blogging! Disclaimer - I cannot confirm the authenticity of all these stories!

STORY 1: Hair Scare (courtesy Ashish)
For the song Chiggy Wiggy, Kylie Minogue had unshaven armpits and the armpit hair had to be digitally edited out during post production! So apparantly that took a lot of time, effort and money!

STORY 2: Jainism
Nudity is frowned upon by every fucking religious zealot in this country. Then there are people like me and my friends who are the types who would like people to be nude if they want to! To each his own, you know! But like every other Indian in this planet, we are hypocrites after all! We draw our line when it comes to old and/or ugly people. I really do not want to see a naked old man with a shriveled penis and sagging ass walking down the street! But all of us in the park that day had come across at least one Jain man who had decided to renounce his life and retire as a monk. And this is announced by a full-on public nude parade by that man, which is tolerated like all other things done in the name of religion in India. And to imagine that a provocative magazine cover will incur lawsuits in the name of obscenity!

STORY 3: And talking of nudity...
I was in a cab between Bandra and Mahim once and saw a homeless man standing at the side of the road, staring at all the cars. All was fine, until I looked down and realized he wasn't wearing any pants! Probably just forgot! So all he had was a shirt on and a very breezy time down under!
Another time, Gayatri was picking me up from home and when I got into the rick, she said "Boss, there's a nude woman on the street!" And I laughed, "No way!!". But as the rickshaw passed the same spot again, she screamed, "There, there! Look!". And sure enough, there was a young nude homeless woman taking a shower on a divider in the middle of the street! I must say, this is the kind of nudity I don't mind :)

STORY 4: Fluids (courtesy Ashish)
Outside some godforsaken temple in a godforsaken part of Pune, Ashish watched as a beggar woman walked towards a scooty, put a leg forward next to the back tyre, and just stood there staring at the seat. He was watching from behind and wondered what she was doing. When she finally moved and walked back towards the temple, he realized the gravity of what he had seen - she had peed next to the scooty tyre! And as she walked by, her feet made water impressions on the road!

STORY 5: The plot of Mr. and Mrs. Khanna (courtesy me)
Actually, no, you don't wanna know the story of this movie.

STORY 6: Gulp the insect
So while we were laughing at one time, I ended up swallowing a mosquito and was trying to cough it out. Ashish didn't make me feel any better by saying, "Shee...what if the mosquito sat on a pile of shit before it went into your mouth??". To which Arindam promptly replied, "So it went into her mouth for a mouthwash???"

STORY 7: Brown
I was walking down a street once, and saw a man wearing white pyjamas, with the bum stained in brown. He seemed like a nice person otherwise!

STORY 8: Pee, poo and all we do
What would you do if you had to be disgusting? As college kids, we were really disgusting, but over the years, we lost our wild side and Ashish and I were discussing last night all the disgusting things that we could or should do. Based on those discussions and generally too, consider these:

1. Dogs eat shit. It must have something nutritious that we could also make use of, no?
2. If you eat a lot of beetroot, your pee will turn red. If you eat a lot of carrots, you will turn orange! (I made my disclaimer earlier!)
   
3. What makes shit yellow? Bile. What makes it brown? Why don't vegetarians shit green?
4. Would you take your poo after making sure it's the right texture, then put it in a plastic bag, make a few pin holes in the plastic bag, and write "WELCOME" in front of someone's house?
5. Or would you stuff poo in a bomb? Or would you stuff the bomb in the poo?
   
6. Would you want Apple to make products called iPood or iPeed?
7. How about baking some poo? Or grilling it?
8. What would you rather do with vomit? (a) Cook it in a frying pan and eat it. (b) Freeze it and drink the lower unfrozen layer with a straw.
9. If you had an iron rod, and you had to put it up somebody's ass, and one side was hot and the other was cold, which side would you put in his/her ass?
10. Would you pick up a used condom lying on the road? For no reason?
11. When was the last time you peed/shat your pants?
12. When was the last time you used the word "sphincter"?
    

Consider, but no real need to answer them here if you're uncomfortable! But what is the most disgusting thing that has ever happened to you, or that you have done to somebody else? I really wanna know!